dear inspector gadget

dear inspector gadget,

do you have a gadget that will make my mother talk less? it's not that I don't love my mother, because I do love her very very much. it's not even that I don't like a lot of the things she's saying, because I do, she has a great many things to say. it's just that she says so much, too much I say. as if some button needs to be pushed but is broken. perhaps the best gadget would be a word filter of sorts that she could talk through. like a knowing net it would catch all the excess. let's say an average of 61.3% of the words that tumble out would be caught in this filter. the rest, all things I want to hear. words of wisdom, encouragement and love. all of the worry and guilt and mumbo gumbo cut off like fat from the meat of the matter. my mother, she just says so very many words and I don't think she needs to say nearly so many. what gadget could you recommend?

your #1 fan,

stan francis